A little over a month passes. I catch up on paying bills, tidy the house, have a birthday, spend time with loved ones, and have a long overdue astrology/psychic reading. I need to know where I am headed.
On a whim, I check to see if there is a match-making site that is more geared to the type of man I seem gravitated towards. I choose the site the beginning of June.
I sit here now, almost numb, in the darkest place I have ever been in my lifetime. I have had some bouts of crying today, not as bad as years passed when things go wrong with men. However, I am getting a lot of writing done.
I’m at the Blue Ridge Parkway, just sitting. I’m not suicidal. Trust me, I’m not. If I was, I can just plummet down one of the elevation lookout views that I pass when driving. I have pickle chips and Gatorade to keep my electrolytes up!
I think I was at this same place a couple of weeks ago. I took lots of pictures and videos along the parkway. I did an hour of meditation. I can’t do it now. I can hardly breathe. My heart and solar plexus hurt so bad, and I think I am partly in shock.
My psychic is always on point. She told me this would happen if I wasn’t patient, if I wasn’t careful with my words, if I stuck to the same patterns of my past. I couldn’t stop myself. I tried, but I pushed harder and harder. Now he is gone.
I will write of him. I will of course change his profession and his name to protect him. I will send out prayers to God for his safety, and meditate for his well being,- as many days as he stays on my mind. I will one day write a book and title it. ” Ice & Sapphire.” After the first few chapters, it will all be a fantasy of mind. I hope it sells.